A Dream

October 1, 2009 Leave a comment

It is a loop that one father can never complete. I was there the 1st second of Elkan’s life. It has always been my wish to see Elkan grow up and accompany him throughout his life to my very last breath. And at times, I can’t help but wonder who will be Elkan’s companion at his final days. Will my Elkan be happy always…and has a doting family and loved ones who will be by his side when his time is up?

I had this strange dream before. I dreamt of knowing an old man who came to visit me during my final days. My parents and friends have long gone. Even Felicia is gone too. This old man became my best friend quickly. For some strange reasons, it was more than such the companionship that this old man gave me. It was his assurance about my family future that he painted so confidently. I trusted him and confided in him a lot.

 
In this future of mine, I was a lonely old man like my granny. Staying alone, every day, I longed for my son’s visit. Every day, I browse thousands and thousands of digital photographs of my past. Without fail, this old man visited me every night for dinner. And he was very keen and all ears about my tales about my youth. I wish it was Elkan or Felicia – for there are so much tales in me for them. I wish I could record down for them somehow.

On the last day of my life, I have Elkan by my side. Time was slipping and I can only say so much. Braving my last breath, I told Elkan that I have so much to tell him but never had the chance. I assured Elkan that I have lived a fruitful life. He was in his mid-40s. I can’t felt Elkan’s presence like when he was just a kid. It was just so adult. So different. So distant.

 
The old man was there too in my dream. He arrived with a gift and a cake. My deathday cake and gift? I open the gift and saw a very very old toy. A familiar one indeed. It was the first toy that I have given Elkan on his 1st birthday. Those long forgotten memories came back in flashes. Sitting beside me, the old man held my hands. At my last breath, the old man held me close and whispered these touching words in my ears "Dad, I travel back in time for you. And I want to tell you I will remember every tale and every word you said to me. I did miss you." It was Elkan – in his 80s – traveling back in time for me.

This is indeed a dream I will never forget. I woke up with a very very heavy heart. I went to my son’s bedroom and kissed him before I left for work.

 
(I had this dream back in 2007. And today, I watched a great movie – that reminded me so much of this dream I had. A movie that touches hearts like no others. A very romantic and beautiful tale about a time-travel man and his wife. Do watch it if you can – The Time-Traveller’s Wife.)

Filed under Jo's Thoughts

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