My Funeral
January 10, 2006 9 Comments
Last week, one of my neighbours living on the 10th Floor passed away. For almost 20 years, we have been bumping into each other in the lift – yet we never say much to one another – except for the usual "hi and bye". I still saw him around Christmas time and he looked really healthy… so I was kinda surprised when I saw him lying inside the yellow tent on the first day of 2006. After all, he was in his late 50s. Heart failure, that is what I heard from the neighbours. What a sad sudden death….
Life is so fragile. One moment, I am kicking with life – the next moment, you will find me resting inside a yellow tent at the foot of my block. In fact, I hate that…not because of death but rather what people would do to me when I am gone. Here are some of those things that I would rather like to have for my funeral:
1) I have never slept in the void deck – not even in death. So, never put me to rest at my house void deck. It is so upsetting to spend my "goodbye hours" at the cold concrete void deck. I will haunt you if you ever place me in the void deck. Just rest me at my cozy home and let my spirit and body rest in comfort.
2) No fancy monks chanting songs or some strange Tao-performance (like throwing paper money or Chingay Road Parade). In fact, I love the teaching of Christ. Get a pastor to rest my spirit and may I find Christ in my after life. Am I a Christian? Yes, I believe in Chirst. Have I been churchy? No.
3) Obituaries. At first, I wondered why people "advertise" the death annoucement of their loved ones? Why spent that money… But then, I realised it may be good – so that such "advertisement" will disclaim my loved ones from any creditors / ex-girlfriends / unlisted sons and daughters I may have out there. But please get my wife to layout my ads. It must be impactful, lifestyle, Good-Times. Get Richard to do the copywriting. Get Juliana to do a website in memory for me. (Acceptance of artwork: Death Cert + Freehand file. 1000, Toa Payoh North. News Centre. Credit cards or cash.)
4) Music. Keep them playing in my house 5.1 system. What kind of music… So simple, play those I have in my CD-Rack. Check my MP3 folder in my laptop. If not, get Meijie and Joanne. They know what I like. And if possible, get Kalinda to sing some blues – she is so good in that.
5) Food. No preference. Just make sure there is vegetarian food for Tracy. And halah food for Nadirah, Jasbir etc. Just no smoking. Red wine is good.
6) Visitors. Okay, this is quite tricky. Cos’ my house is small – so I have to be very selective. Please dun invite people that I dun know or have any direct relationship with. I saw a lot of stangers and unknown faces at my wedding dinner – so I kinda freak out. I am not a saint or a public-figure…Just my family members, friends and loved ones.
7) Gifts. No blankets, no flowers. Send chocolate, tour packages (for my wife,families to chill out), farewell cards (write about how bad/good I have impacted your life), photographs of picture we have taken together (get a big AO cork-sheet board and stick it up), $50/visitor, Precious Moments (for my collections) etc. In return, you can take any 1 item from my collections (xbox games, toys, books) as door-gifts after the funeral.
8) Activities. I have almost 30 DV tapes of my life. Just play it throughout on my 42" Plasma. On my final day before I am fired or buried… I want to do it at a church. Since I never spend a good day at the church, let me spend my last earthly day there. Get the following people to express their farewell speech (let them download their frustrations, thanks, love, complains etc) – Felicia, Dad, Mum, Sisters, Wahbiang friends. Get Randy to capture all these moments, edit and pass it over to my child. And finally, get Feli to go thru this checklist on my blog to ensure all these items are closely followed. Felicia, print all my blog and bind it. Make it a Joe Annual Report.
9) Attire. Please come in like you are attending a church wedding. It is rude not to RSVP. I have been coordinating weddings and birthdays all my life. So, I shall leave this bit to Gareth and Yifu.
10) Bury or Burn? Neither, I dun know, I leave that to my wife or loved ones. Cos’ I am fearful of fire-burns and decaying bites by awful worms and maggots. Dun mummify me too. It is so unglam.
And it is so gross to keep one of the body parts behind – cos none of our body parts is cute enough to be kept in memory. (not a chopped finger or a piece of my bone). Still, I want to leave a peaceful piece of me behind…unburned or decayed. Just keep my memories and voices alive. (Invest in a LCD and store some video footages of me. When some one press the button on the tomb stone, the LCD will be turned on and play the footage. Get Jimmy to maintain the system.)
At the same time, cast my face and left hand in stone. Keep a chunk of my hair, tied it nicely and suspend it a air-tight 7cm glass tube vessel. Make it zen, okay. Who knows, they may clone me (from my hair) again in centuries to come.
No matter how my body is being treated after the final day. Just place it near my family and loved ones. I hate to be lonely. (Dun throw my ashes into the big sea – I am not that romantic! I will kill you if you did. You can consider spreading my ashes at Tampines Mall, Parkway, Geylang, Katong – my favourite haunts). Make sure you choose a nice pix for my tombstone. Use font "Stone San" for the writing – "In Memory of Joe Chua".
We have always been working hard for our life..but give so much little effort for our death. Most time, we troubled our loved ones to prepare for our death. I guess, it may be good if we spend some time doing a "to-do" list for ourselves. Life is so magical. So, let death be easy and well-remembered. 
p/s (Just in case there is really a post-life-country and they dun have their own HDB, M1, MAS and Ikea. Please get Echo and Francis to sponsor some nice house, handphone, maid, furniture and money. Send a car too, maybe they dun have TP below. Thanks.)
12 years away from home - Singapore. Writing my stories here for my lovely mum & dad, friends and most importantly, for my wife & son back home. A self-confessed gadget freak, a spontaneous prankster on the outside and a warm loving heart inside. Enjoying a happy life with loving families, friends plus a dream job. Realising mum’s motto – “Exceed Yourself Every Day”. Always believing that “Simplicity is Beauty”.
THE WAHBIANG BLOG 
Great article, so touching! Will take the point of planning of our death – to make easier for our loved ones when they are already down with our loss. Finally, the sheer thought of losing a good friend like you is always stressful – no matter how much fun you add on to the content 😦
I can take nice pictures 🙂 for memories sake
Facing death is never easy. For the past 2 yr, i’ve lost 2 of my family members. The questions of death seems to run in my head more. (Maybe i’m getting older). Yap, i don’t understand why people who know for years but hve not been in contact will come down and pay respects. For me, its like pls don’t bother to come. Will i be more happy to see them coming when i’m alrdy at the the side of the world – when i cant talk to you, when i cant touch you, when i can;t hold on to you anymore?Funny things is – people/ human beings never get numb, no matters how many times they are hurt.
Hi Timmy:
Thanks for your kind comments…and taking the effort to go thru my blogs. 🙂
Just pop over to your blog too. You have very interesting pixs and articles too.
Big Joe
I thought the topic was morbid but it was eye catching enough to read through…and i have to agree with you on several points.
"Get Randy to capture all these moments, edit and pass it over to my child. "
I was so touched by this. I think you are on the right track of reminding your child how you lived…and your last moments.
"At the same time, cast my face and left hand in stone. Keep a chunk of my hair, tied it nicely and suspend it a air-tight 7cm glass tube vessel. Make it zen, okay. Who knows, they may clone me (from my hair) again in centuries to come."
I think they would.
"No matter how my body is being treated after the final day. Just place it near my family and loved ones. I hate to be lonely"
I am touched by this.
Overall, you write well and i found going through your blog very refreshing.
Hi JK foo:Thanks for your comments.. Visited your blog.. Love your articles.. :)You are always welcome here!
"Life is so magical. So, let death be easy and well-remembered".Agreed.
Wah…u even think of our food..how nice n thoughtful of u..heheh
Life n death jus a line of difference, u really showed no difference at all… u really tink too much of having memories of urself on earth, already troubling ur loved ones to do so many tings for u… tink u boss after death too… still assigning tasks even till u die…. amazing thots… but cool though… What if u r the last one to go amongst us? 🙂