Day Number 1

It is a very special day today. It is my son’s first day in school. I called him before school and after school. My boy took it pretty well, except some minor complaints about the incredibly heavy school bag (why can’t school fix this “heavy school back issue?”) and expensive school meals which he paid today. Elkan enjoyed his first day – I am impressed! It is good that the school allows the parents to tag along on the first day – so these kids will be more ease and confident (and more independent) the next day.

Instead, I was more worried for Elkan’s teachers cos’ my kid will certainly (and very soon) terrorize her with all his amazing stunts and pranks. Afterall, he is the son of an ex-school prime prankster. (My mum is my best witness – I was so popular back then in school that my mum was “summoned” numerous times back to school to play psychiatrist to those poor mentally-beaten teachers. Well, I am just differently talented – some of those teachers weren’t taught properly how to handle someone like me!)

I always remember my first day in school. I cried quietly after my mum waved goodbye to me by the louver-glass windows. And everything went blank for me after that. Of course, I remember my scary form teacher and all the strange punishments I used to get in school. I tried every forms of their tortures – from facing the blackboard (breathing in those dreadful chalk power), standing on the floor / chair / table / outside the classroom, ruler beating on the palm, private caning on the ass in the principal’s office, ear-pulling / twisting / ticking, pinching of the shoulders, writing 50 / 100 / 500 lines of the same boring sentence, hair-pulling, duck-walk around the classroom, slap on the face and masking-taping of mouth. My god, maybe I should start engaging my lawyer to start suing those retired teachers and get a lucrative cut from their big fat pensions. Of course, no teachers in school dare to exercise those “inhumane children tortures” today – thanks to more law-savvy parents, 3G Network, mobile phone cameras and facebook. These punishments were extinct.

Let’s hope Elkan be merciful on his poor teachers (and us) so that we need not suffer the same fate as my poor mum. Psychiatrist’s job is painful, especially when we need to go back to school to heal the teacher’s broken minds. And hope this doesn’t run in the family…Elkan’s 3 other cousins are also in school today!

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