The Great Walk of China – A Lonely Expat Road
May 11, 2007 6 Comments
Seeing Juli starting her new life in Beijing, it is indeed a "deja vu" for me. Exacting 365 days ago, on May 11th 2006, I left Singapore for Shanghai.
Life as an expat is never easy, especially when one is attached. The emotional struggle within can be so tough that even the strongest character may break down and fall. It is beyond that leap of faith. It can even change a person.
It took me more than 3 months to settle down. The first 4 weeks were chaotic for me. At some point, I was very dis-oriented, lost and lonely. I spent some Mondays typing on MSN to Joanne and Tracy asking them "Why the fuck I made this move?" I was so comfortable in Caffeine and I am sure I can do better. But the lure of working in Shanghai is too strong to resist. Not for the money but for the experience and learnings. I just want to explore my limitation and see how far I can go.
To be honest, it doesn’t take a lot before I hit my limit. All it took was Elkan’s smile. Every departure is heart-breaking cos’ I know I would miss his little touch and hugs. Not to mention about my lovely wife, caring girlfriends and brothers!
Have I regret taking this road? No.
My journey, despite its ups and downs, taught me a lot of things in life. Walking alone, it gave me a chance to understand myself better. I came face to face with the demons inside my heart and mind – conquering my own fears and doubts. And finding the love of my life. It made me realised who are the most important people in my life.
In short, this road has made me a better and stronger person.
Dun get me wrong, I wasn’t talking about taking "an expat road". It was about taking a personal journey which one made to discover more about himself. It is not about "where or how"…but more of "what" came out of that journey.
p/s (For Juliana and Duuk – Enjoy this journey – May you two discover new things in your life.)
12 years away from home - Singapore. Writing my stories here for my lovely mum & dad, friends and most importantly, for my wife & son back home. A self-confessed gadget freak, a spontaneous prankster on the outside and a warm loving heart inside. Enjoying a happy life with loving families, friends plus a dream job. Realising mum’s motto – “Exceed Yourself Every Day”. Always believing that “Simplicity is Beauty”.
THE WAHBIANG BLOG 
well said MC. Experience can be replace easily but love are priceless.
Hey Juli, I am so proud of your selfless love & decision. Since poly time, we both have been talking about working in oversea…gaining exposure, experience and knowledge for better career prospect. Today, this golden opportunity has been given to you but you choose to give up for personal reason. Love really changes a person. I admire your all-giving and selfless attitude. I applaud you Juli. You will have a happy and fulfilling life.
Welcome home my dear friend. We miss you.
Hi Juliana,Hmm… glad that you’ve found what’s important in LIFE. It’s been a ‘tough’ time for you trying to balance both things(life & dreams). We all have to make a choice. Either choice made, we have to sacrifice inorder to fulfill the other. Not easy isn’t it? You may have forgo the experiences of working overseas, but that can be replace another time, but not for your love ones…these are priceless. AstroBoy
Joe,Glad that you are enjoying your journey of self discovery and most importantly emerged as a stronger and better person. Hope you will keep on discovering!Juliana,All the best and hope you are enjoying your journey as much as Joe 🙂
Time flies & i am approaching my 4th week in Beijing. Life seems to get better with every weekend outing with colleagues & dinner at nice places in Beijing during weekdays. I just get to see new things every week. But every time when i’m having fun outside, I just feel sad for not being able to share the fun/joy with Duuk. In BLUE Beijing, we will be having some nice projects which Singapore office may not have it. My Shanghai colleague look forward so much for me head the projects over there as well. These are all really very exciting stuff that are coming out. But end of the everyday, when i skype with Duuk, i can see the loneliness in him. He has never stayed so late in office before but now he is, later & later as each day goes. My heart just breaks knowing how he tried to stay out as late avoiding to head home early. All these changes i notice in Duuk, the way he tried to get use of his life without me just hurts me alot. These made me even more determine to give up all the fancy career challenges. Well, gladly enough, my shanghai staff knowing I’ll be heading back on the 2nd week of june will be heading down to Beijing next week to lock me down for this BIG shanghai project, for me to handle even i’m back in spore. So guess end of the day, I still take on to some kind of challenge over here & still being able to head home. =)Thanks Joe. Thanks Joanne. Thanks Tracy & Feli. You guys have been really really great! Really!
Hi Juli,We have been friends for more than a decade – 13 years to be exact (3 years as poly mates, 1.5 years at Curtin and 2 years at VOXmedia). Juli, you are always that strong woman I know. And in fact, I feel that you have made the right choice. At times, we need not to stay on too long before we realised that it was too late to make any redemption. And I felt so happy for you that you have made up your mind and persue the right choice. "Family comes first" – that is what the movie CLICK says and I totally agree with it.
Hey, please dun walk out of this journey having any regrets. You have attempted and did complete the journey. It is not a half-way trip… if you never have made this trip, you will never realise the important things in your life. It is worthwhile and no one see you as a failure. Really.Being your friends, be it Joanne, Tracy or Meijie – we all want you to fulfill your dream. We all know that you have been looking forward to experience this new life. Being a true friend, we will never show you one side of the coin or echo your thought. We just want to encourage you a little and do not want you to look back with regrets. At times, we need a little support around to reinforce our own belief that we are on the right track. We just want you to defer your decision and stay a little longer to weigh your odds. Nevertheless, it is also the same group of friends who is going to stand by you on this choice. Deep inside me, I want you to be happy and live with no regrets. It is not an easy path, I know. And I am so happy that you decide the best for you. If you have read about my own regret about my broken promise to my granny… and ask Joanne, Feli or Tracy, you would realise how painful that regret is sitting in my heart. My granny has passed away for more than 8 years and I can never come face to face with myself. At that time, I believe "life goes on" but regrets live on as well. There are moments that you wish you can turn back the clock and spend more time with your loved ones.That is why I feel that you are much stronger than you think. It is not easy facing the pressure and questions at BLUE. It is also not easy giving up your dream. Things would be easier if you just stick on a little longer. It takes a lot of mental strength and determination to persue what your heart tells you..and not what other minds believe. For that, I salute you.My friend, smile. You did learnt a lot from this journey. Hovman told me about the death of his friend – He was just 34 years old, young and healthy and fit. Sadly, he died of liver cancer. Found out 2 months ago about his conditions and died 2 weeks back. Perhaps, it is a sign for me that I should be relooking into my own health and do my own time-check. It may be time-up for me too and that I should re-assess the important things in my life.
Big Joe
Yes indeed the journey is a tough one & at the same time life long experience. It is horrible and I wanted to head home the soonest. Joanne, tracy & yourself has been telling me,"juli, just 3 months and very soon you will get used to it". Yes, I know, I know eventually I will get used to it. You see, God created humans to be easily adjustable to the environment. But… I just do not want my "getting used to it" kind of life as a "habit".I do discover alot during my stay here. I realise i should be placing Duuk before my career and not the other way round. I realise Duuk meant alot to me & I do not want to sacrifice HIM for my career. Just like what you had wrote in your blog, one should not be afraid of failure, why should I be bothered with people who may end up saying Juli, a failure, who did not complete the task given by her company. End of the day, my life is with Duuk, my families not BLUE.Ironically, my aunt called me yesterday to tell me about my granny condition. She is 84 this year. Her cardiologists has to prescribe medicines to strengthen her heart as it is now very much weaken. I guess this is my granny way of telling me to head home. I do not want my life to live with fullest regrets, not being able to spend her last jouney with her. Those of you who know me well, should know how important my granny is to me. So Joe, thank you so much for all your encouragement. Sadly enough the Juli you know is not as strong as she seems. I should even be heading home much earlier now due to my granny condition.