It’s so hard to say Goodbye
May 12, 2006 2 Comments
They say a big man shouldn’t cry. To be honest, I never know it is so hard to say goodbye. Especially to my small boy.
Elkan is 18-month now..and he seems to understand things around him. He has better memory now…recognised places and has more and more expressions. Over the past few weeks, whenever we sent him home to "Tampines", he had that stressful and sad look on his face. Somehow, Elkan knows it is time to say goodbye… Cos’ it would be another 3 days before papa and mama pick him up again.
It is getting harder to say goodbye. In fact, it has become almost impossible to wave "bye" to Elkan every Sunday night. When Elkan sensed us wearing our shoes, taking our bags, he would come running to us, stretching his hands for a hug. Most times, he would try to block us at the entrance, wrapping his small hand around our fingers and dragged us into the house. And of course, every Sunday, I have to break my little boy’s heart and bid him goodbye. When the lift door closed behind me, I still could hear his cries and screams.. that kind of pain cut me so deep everytime I say bye to Elkan.
That is the magic of parenthood. I was love-sick with my boy. More than my own parents, more than my own wife. Why so? Perhaps, I felt "needed" by Elkan…and that deepen my love and attachment for him.
While preparing my trip to Shanghai, I brought Elkan home…baby sit him everyday at home. I spent my last 5 days with him… taking photos and video clips of him. It was also this period of time when Elkan started calling me "daddy" with such strong love and conviction. He would called me "out of fun", got my response, smiled brightly and went back to do his things. He just want to make sure that I am around him…
The day finally came when I have to send Elkan back – 2 hours before my flight. Alone, I carried him out of Meijie’s car and brought him upstairs. I was standing in front of the door for some time…facing my boy, saying some farewell words to him "Elkan, look here… Daddy loves you…be good, ok? I miss you." He looked nervous, cos’ he knew it was farewell time. But he didn’t know I may not be there for him for another good 6 months or longer.
Holding back my sadness, I pressed the doorbell. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law greeted me. The 7am morning sun illuminated their face. I asked Chups to "distract" Elkan…carry him over to see birds (which is Elkan’s favourite hobby)… My mother-in-law passed me 2 hongbaos for good luck and wishes. At that point, I wanted to let go…but I still bite on….Told my mum to take care and I quickly back off the house. My last sight of Elkan was seeing him turning his head around, looking for me.
Without saying bye to Elkan, I left. The minute I entered the lift… in my own private space.. I teared.
Back in the waiting car… Meijie, Joanne and Feli could felt my sadness… they kept very quiet and comforted me. I know I be sad.. but I never know it could this hard.
The final mile to my boarding gate is filled with so much love, tears and hugs…Juli bluff me..she didn’t cry. Kalinda gave me a surprise appearance and even walked me to my boarding gate (with a special pass)… She must be so shocked and "happy" to see my redden eyes… We hugged and I am just so touched…
Before I walked in the departure gate… Joanne handed me an envelop. She told me it was a card from Tracy and her. Inside the card, I found a small 1G MMC card. I loaded the card into my PSP…I was totally amazed and moved by the efforts that my 2 coffee-girls put in. The whole wahbiang clan did gave me a farewell card – a good representation of the IT era that we are living in…My first Farewell MMC Card. (wow..so hi-tech and advanced!) It was a fantastic and original idea! LOVE IT!
There are 3 major content inside the MMC Card. A Farewell Video Clip, Elkan’s home clips and a folder of all my favourite MP3 songs…..I played the video footage (inside the MMC Card) on my PSP.. Seeing funny and moving clips from Lusia, Yixi, Guofeng, Ivy, Juliana, Duuk, Kalinda, Joanne and Tracy put a smile across my sad face. (just one question: Where is Meijie and Yifu?)
This was the most meainingful gift…so much thoughts, sincerity, efforts just to produce one. Thanks Joanne and Tracy for doing so much for me. I love you. (Opps…too mushy)
Started my project on Friday… trying to settle down. Things look good..and I felt great.
Time to kick some ass and accomplished what I am here for. Friends, till we meet again!
p/s (Meijie thanks for fetching us to and fro the airport…1st time in 6 years since i last sat in the car you drove. The last car ride in Perth didn’t ended so well… :P)
12 years away from home - Singapore. Writing my stories here for my lovely mum & dad, friends and most importantly, for my wife & son back home. A self-confessed gadget freak, a spontaneous prankster on the outside and a warm loving heart inside. Enjoying a happy life with loving families, friends plus a dream job. Realising mum’s motto – “Exceed Yourself Every Day”. Always believing that “Simplicity is Beauty”.
THE WAHBIANG BLOG 
haa….Yifu & Lilian must have hated me. Their video clip went missing. They had 3 NGs and it was then that i realised Yifu was so camera-shy. :)Meijie was preparing his A4 length speech that everytime when i wanted to shoot him… he was not ready. So i decided to put him last however it was forgotton! Sorry Yifu & Meijie… ;P
Indeed! Although I am not a father yet, it is a very heart warming piece! Cherish the memories.