The night when I rejected Elkan twice.

October 28, 2005 Leave a comment

There are many goodbyes in life. Some was routine, some was temporary and some was for good.

Last night, I had my first heart-breaking goodbye with Elkan.

 
I was clearing some toys from Eunos and bringing it over to Tampines for Elkan. It was supposed to be a "drop-&-go" affair as I had a dinner appointment later. Elkan was playing in my mother-in-law room when he heard me at the gate. He crawled out and start crawling in my direction – really excited and happy. I picked him up and hugged him for a while – he was so happy and smiling.
 
As I have a cab waiting for me downstairs, I told my mother-in-law to hold Elkan back. Elkan was put down and standing by the closed gate, stretching his hands out and calling me. I said gently to him: "Elkan, go back, daddy got to go. Tomorrow pick you up, ok?"
 
Unlike all our previous goodbye-session, Elkan displayed a very emotional feat last night. Elkan often cried when Chups or Stella went out to work. But last night was different…
 
He kept calling out and stretched his hand out for me. I was standing at the lift-lobby, waving bye to him. For the next 10 seconds, Elkan started screaming (still with his hand stretched out). My mother-in-law started to carry him. I then said "no-no" and was backing my steps away from him. When Elkan knew I wasn’t going to be there for him anymore, he started panting loudly in anger, gave me a very painful stare and turned his head away from me. Both my mother-in-law and myself were so shocked! Elkan has never displayed such unhappiness in front of us. He showed so much rejection and anger for once.
 
When my lift door opened, there was a "ding" sound. Elkan immediately recognised that as the lift door. He quickly turned his head around and took a small peek at me. I stood there, smiling and saying bye. He tried again – this time, softly calling me and stretching out his hand, with a little smile. I still said "no" and shook my head. Just when I was about to walk into the lift, he burst out in tears. I came out of the lift and said "bye". Like the first rejection, he felt betrayed by my absence of attention. Elkan stared at me in tears and turned his head away, sobbing in my mother-in-law’s arms.
 
Feeling pain and sadness…I came out of the lift and walked to the gate, coaxing him. My mother-in-law (who was holding him all this while), tried to turn Elkan to face me. Elkan was so hurt, he refused to face me, no matter how we tried turning his head to face me. He continued to sob sadly…
 
Feeling so sad to leave my son behind, smiling at my mother-in-law, I left Tampines with a very heavy heart.
 
p/s (Tonight, I will bring Elkan back for the weekend stay)
 
 

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