Never really feel the pain of saying bye until I stepped into the house just now. It was different – with and without you. I can still smell your wet diapers and your baby scent. Strangely, the house was also colder now. Guess you added a lot more warmth than my 3 hopeless 2000W heaters.
I don’t know how many times I have to go through this farewell-reunion ceremony with you. It is always so hard and tough to bid farewell – especially when you are getting more and more sensible now. Sorry that I have to reject your hug just now, I guessed you have figured out that it was time to say goodbye. All these while, you never like me to hold your walk whenever we were out shopping. Somehow, when you clinged on to my legs and asking me to hold your hands at the departure gate, I realised you know the reality of things. Yes, it will be at least a few more weeks or months before we meet again.
Sorry, my boy. I have to cook up a thousand lies everytime we part. "Daddy go toilet, will be back later" or "Daddy go buy you a toy car". Cos’ it is so hard to face your angelic teary eyes. I never want to break your heart too.
Those words you yelled at the gate drove tears to my heart. "Daddy, miss you! Take care! See you!" I do not know if you understand the meanings of such emotional words… but I know you will certainly miss me and my service to you - showering you, changing your clothes, patting you to bed and smacking your butt when you misbehaved. You are just like a small adult, commanding your daddy and mummy around. Honestly, you are a very sensible boy.
You left a lot of things behind. Your toys…your winter clothings and your charm. You can always walk out of a shop getting a freebie. Shopkeepers just can’t resist not to give you a gift. Be it a toy car or even a calculator.
Guess there are a lot of people waiting for your return on the other side. They are all there, planning to give you and Mummy a surprise welcome.
I think I can sleep better tonight. No more 3am cries, leg on my face or urine on my bed.
Of course, I have no one to open my door tomorrow morning, waving goodbye to me. Or you stamping your feet so that there will be light outside the house.
"Daddy, take care, goodbye, see you" – that was what you say to me every morning.
Yes, I will, my son. See you soon.